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 | Online dating dilemmas |
stargazinc writes "Navigating the online dating scene can become an
overwhelming situation; this articles will help steer you in the right
direction.
There are a few common scenarios that many online daters
eventually experience, and each one can seem like a stumbling block, impeding
the way to a happier, brighter love life. The most common experience—and often
one of the first—is the impulse sign up period; you browse a couple promising
profiles that catch your interest, and you can’t help but to rush and sign up,
posting a first draft profile. The second most common experience is that moment
of first contact, but you’re unsure of how to proceed, or that if you should
take down your profile entirely. And then there’s that online dating overload
sensation, a feeling of burn out. We can help; follow our advice for a more
enjoyable online dating adventure.
New Profile Ok, I’ve just created a new profile,
and I’m ready to meet new people, but how do I proceed? What do I do?
So
you’ve just signed up and are ready to take the online dating world by storm.
You may be tempted to contact a multitude of people—anyone with blue eyes or
within a decent driving distance; this “spam” approach to online dating is a bad
move. This desperate approach really won’t get you very far in the online dating
world. Pick five to six people and see if anyone of them works out; if not, move
on to several more. Don’t overwhelm yourself, casting out a big dating net,
seeing if someone bites—you’re not on a race against time. Take it easy my
friend; have fun and enjoy yourself.
It’s always wise to keep your dating
prospects to a manageable number. You don’t want to become disorganized, mixing
up profiles, confusing and tangling interests, hobbies and turnoffs with a
myriad of individuals. Is Susie the one who likes combining rocky road with
strawberry ice cream, or is she the one who dislikes rainy days? Is it Brad or
Steven who would rather curl up with a good mystery novel than watch a Lakers
game? I can’t remember! Keeping notes is a good way to manage all your contacts;
you don’t want them thinking that you have a hundred people in your dating
queue. Don’t give them the wrong impression.
Expectionation By reading a few emails, it’s
very common for people to believe that they’ve found their true soul mate. Every
word that person writes in their email strikes a romantic chord, and you can’t
seem to find a single flaw—they’re perfect! Don’t build up your expectations too
high; you’ve only just passed the first of many stages. After then initial email
exchanges, start with a few friendly phone chats. Get to know the person on an
intellectual level; you may soon discover that your potential hook up doesn’t
quite fit the image you had in your mind, and this could save you a lot of
wasted energy. Three weeks is a good amount of time before you’re ready for the
next level—the first in-person meeting!
Our connection is perfect; we’re
getting serious. What do I do now?
Taking down the profile There comes a time when you ask
yourself “is it time to take down my profile?” You’ve found your prefect match
and now you’re wondering about your profile floating around in dating
wonderland. The essential question is basically this: “is this the only person I
want to see?” If the answer is yes, then you should have no reservations about
taking down your profile. You may be tempted to wait for the other person to
take down their profile first, taking that as a sign to reciprocate their good
intentions. It’s up to you. The best course would be to just take down your
profile when you feel the time is right, and don’t even tell the other person;
chances are they’ll see that you have and will ask you about it. Don’t
torture yourself by incessantly checking your newly found sweetheart’s profile,
crossing your fingers, hoping that it has been taken down for good. Avoid
this—if you find yourself constantly performing repetitive profile checks, go do
something else; watch TV, read a book, exercise—anything to avoid the urge to
spy. If you simply can’t stop the nagging urges, there’s a simple solution: just
ask!
Resist the notion of raising a guilt trip, claiming that since you’ve
taken your profile down, it’s high time that they do the same. And don’t perform
the grade school antic of “if you don’t take it down, I don’t want to see you
anymore”. For starters, simply state that you feel a nice connection with them;
ask them if they are ready to date you exclusively. If your potential lover says
no, then you’ll have to decide if you can live with that person keeping their
“options open”, so to speak. Often, confidence is a major turn on—it greatly
amplifies your adventurous, outgoing personality; if they don’t want to take
down their profile just yet, you way want to reply with something like: “Well,
that’s cool with me, but I don’t think you’ll find another catch like me
anywhere else.”
Dating Overload I’m experiencing dating overload; am I becoming jaded
towards online dating?
It’s often a good idea to take a hiatus from the
online social scene—take breaks for reflection and to replenish your spirit.
Scrolling through the profiles of hundreds of potential mates can become
tiresome, and you may even feel like giving up the search all together. The best
advice is not to give up. The jaded feelings that are swirling around inside
your head are—like all things in life—temporary. Go offline and take a break
from your computer. Don’t check back until a couple weeks have passed; you need
time to rejuvenate—you’ll be glad you did.
Once you get back into the mix,
you’ll need to perform an analysis of what went wrong the last time you were
sweetheart hunting. What are you doing that needs improvement? Are you asking
for dates too soon? Do you have a picture up on your profile?
Like everything
in life, excess in anything is never a good idea. Limiting the amount of time
you spend online can be very beneficial—long bouts of searching is sure to make
your eyes bulge and your head pop. Always give yourself some time to rest your
head and eyes. Step away for a few hours—during this window of time new people
may have signed up, boosting your excitement and chances of finding that special
someone.
© Copyright 2004 by http://www.online4love.com"
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