 | Eishet Chayil and the Jewish Superwoman Syndrome |
 Women have always done it all for her family. Today’s world throws new
challenges to an Eishet Chayil, fortunately there are remedies.
The Roots of the Song
"Who can find a wife of excellence? Her value far exceeds that of
gems." Written in acrostic format, the song Eishet Chayil (Woman of
Valor), glorifies a woman who does it all for her family. Many Jewish
husbands and husbands-to-be get a romantic gleam in their eyes as they
sing this song to their wives at their weddings or Friday nights.
Today’s world throws new challenges to an Eishet Chayil, fortunately
there are remedies.
The Reality Women Face
Nowadays in addition to all her
other responsibilities, this woman would also have to climb the
corporate ladder. When electronics shaved the time off of household
tasks and the Pill allowed women more control over their compliance
with "Be fruitful and multiply", expectations of women rose
exponentially. The result: it’s is getting even harder to have it all
by doing it all. The problem has become so widespread that the Ms.
Foundation, a decades-old bastion of feminism, now addresses it in
their newly reformed, "Take our Daughters and Sons to Work Day". Now
half of the day, originally intended to introduce girls to the
wonderful world of work asks children to ponder such realities as,"
Your 6-year-old child just started a new school and it turns out the
school bus doesn’t come until 8:00 in the morning. You need to leave
for work at 7:30 in order to get to work on time. Your boss is very
strict about people being on time. You don’t want to leave your child
alone for 30 minutes. What would you do?"
In "The Second Shift", sociologist Arlie Hochschild explores the lives
of working mothers in dual career homes. These women take it all on and
suffer from chronic exhaustion, low sex drive and frequent illness as a
result. Is this our Eishet Chayil?
How Does Judaism Factor In?
The Jewish community places particular strains and praises on our
women. The Torah goes into great depth about the matriarchs,
prophetesses and great women. We remember how the women aided in the
redemption from Egypt, tried to prevent the golden calf and received
the Torah. No man-written books of previous centuries record the songs,
battles and victories of women to the extent the Torah does. We've come
a long way since Eve. While this may flatter and possibly overwhelm
many women, modern realities of job instability and high cost of living
sometimes demand a dual income home. Lighting candles may help bring
light into the world but it does not bring money to the bank. So, many
Jewish women face the responsibilities of not only working at home and
in the office, as non-Jewish women do, but also creating a spiritual
home through freshly cooked Shabbos meals, teaching children some songs
and lessons of Torah etc.
Raising the Valor
Despite overwhelming obstacles
throughout history women have overcome them. These modern challenges
can similarly be captured with strategy and team work. Here are some
ideas to help you cope.
Make yourself a priority: it may seem counterintuitive that to be a
better mother, you need to unapologetically make time for yourself each
day. Yoga is a good way to exercise and restore balance.
Make time for yourself as part of a couple too: it may seem like
the ultimate motherly act to put the children first but children really
like seeing their parents happy, especially together. Set a date night
and stick to it.
Remember that Martha Stewart has assistants:
before you knock yourself for not baking cookies and air drying your
laundry, give yourself credit for all the things you do and do not feel
guilty for taking shortcuts on the other things.
Enjoy being a
family: try to find something everyone in your family has in common and
enjoys doing and do it together. This is easier than constantly trying
to squeeze in time for everyone's interests. You can have your cake and
eat it too buy taking long walks with the family: quality time and
exercise time are one and the same. Another example would be involving
the children in safe, crafty, home improvement projects which allows
you to accomplish something and spend time with the children.
Partnerships
At this point, you would think the Eishet Chayil would prefer a nap to
listening to a song each week. Yet, somehow, appreciation and support
from husbands, family and community goes a long way. Husbands also must
balance long hours at work and trying to help out at home. Thankfully,
the deeply ingrained Jewish praise of women has influenced some
understanding husbands to help out more. It is not uncommon to see
husbands coming home late at night to not only take out the garbage but
also give the baby a bath and possibly even throw in a load of laundry.
No longer can we claim housework is women's work. Women are too busy
going to work and creating spiritual homes to always concern themselves
with grocery shopping and vacuuming. Couples must work out an equitable
balance that suits their particular needs.
The good news, to remember as you go to bed at midnight to wake up at
5am the next day, is that companies are also finally stepping up to the
challenge. Flextime and Family Leave make life for women at many
companies much easier. More than ever, companies are realizing that
even that is not enough. Children do not raise themselves (at least not
to positive results) and as a society, we have come to the realization
that, as Hillary Clinton wrote, "It Takes a Village to Raise a Child".
Mothers calling in absent to take their children to the doctor or
leaving early to attend PTA is being looked upon by companies less as a
job interfering nuisance and more as an honorable recognition of
priorities. Have patience. Successful revolutions do not happen
overnight but just remember that we are all in the same boat, headed
towards progress.
It takes a lot of work to raise a family and you don't truly see
results for decades. It takes a lot of work to have a career but there
the results are more immediate and less lasting. Balancing the two is a
true challenge for today’s Eishet Chayil.
About the Author
Michele H. Justic has over 5 years of experience as a human resources professional
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