Anyone know any good Mohel Jokes

Jerry · Guest

I am going to be attending a bris shortly(no pun intended). I know every one is going to be nervous. Does anyone know any good mohel jokes for me to tell so I can relax the group.

Guest · Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 2:08 pm Post subject:

i wouldn't joke with a mohel, especially when he's holding a knife.

Guest · Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 2:13 pm Post subject:

A Get or A Bris

The judge had come to what he thought was the end of a settlement conference regarding a young orthodox Jewish couple who were getting a divorce.

When all appeared to be settled he asked "Is there anything else?"

The wife replied, "Yes! I need a 'get'."

"What?" said the Judge.

At that point the husband's attorney explained 'get' was a Jewish divorce and that his client had no objection of including that in the Judgment Of Divorce.

The soon to be ex-wife, realizing the Judge's lack of knowledge regarding the Jewish religion asked, "Judge, do you know the difference between a get and a bris?"

"No," said the Judge, "What is the difference?"

"With a 'get'," she explained "You get rid of the whole schmuck."

http://www.smilejokes.com/funny-jokes/a-get-or-a-bris.html

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If a doctor carries a black bag and a plumber carries a toolbox, what does a mohel carry?
A Bris-kit!

http://judaism.about.com/library/2_humor/bldef-joke_shortjokes.htm

yonah · Star Poster Joined: Jun 18, 2004 Posts: 57

Goldberg walks into a bathroom at LAX, and as it turns out the only free stall is next to another Yarmulka-wearing jew.

As they are washing hands the other guy turns to him and says - 'Excuse me, but are you from Pittsburgh?'. Goldberg, dumbfounded, because he doesn't recognize this person, turns to him and says - 'Yes, that's amazing, how did you know I was from Pittsburgh?'

'Simple, replies the stranger - I know a mohel in pittsburgh who cuts the wrong way, and you were peeing on my shoes.'

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Jews are eternal optimists - they cut some off before they even know how big it is going to get!

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Why do Jewish men get circumcised - because Jewish women won't touch anything that isn't at least 20% off.

Yigal · Guest

I have some good news and I have some bad news.

The good news is that I'll be attending a bris.

The bad news is Edward Scissorhand is the Mohel.

Guest · Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 10:27 am Post subject:

bris' are why jews are a cut above the rest.

ADAM · Guest

where do mohels in australia hold their annual convention?

brisbane

what rock and roll band performs at london bris's?

the moheling stones

what is the favorite beer of canadian mohels?

molsons

what retirement present did the australian mohel receive from his former bris subjects?

a eucluptus(you clipped us) tree

yonah · Star Poster Joined: Jun 18, 2004 Posts: 57

Adam,

ROTFLMAO, I wonder if the city got its name because it's male residents are wary of circumcision Smile

ADAM · Guest

What is the Moheling Stones most requested song at circumsions?

"Bris You"

ADAM · Guest

Where are Mohels from central Connecticut holding their annual convention this year?

Bristol

Where are the Mohel staying at?

The Bristol Moheltel

What hotel chain do hip Mohels stay at?

"M"

ADAM · Guest

How do Mohels get relief from stress?

They take Moltrin

ADAM · Guest

Did you hear about the mohel who has a wireless device which controls his scalpel when he performs circumcisions? It's made by Mohelarola!

jasmin3344 · Guest

KatrinaV · Guest

Doodlebugger · Newbie Joined: Nov 19, 2007 Posts: 1

Seen on the wall of a Rabbi's study, a sign, in needlepoint, reading,
"Don't ever accept gribnis from a Mohel."

If needed,
*Gribnis is the Jewish version of pork rinds or cracklings, the pieces of chicken skin left over when frying chicken to get schmaltz