intermarriage

terrry1965 · Guest

If I'm marring a Cathloic women, and she has had her inulment, and I reveiced my Get, can we be married, would she have her Priest, and would I have my Rabbi?

yonah · Star Poster Joined: Jun 18, 2004 Posts: 57

Terry,

Let me get the facts straight, here is what I am assuming:You are a Jewish Person and want to marry a catholic woman. Both of you were previously married, and you want to know, I am assuming from a religious standpoint what 'termination' levels each of you need with your previous spouses prior to getting married.

Of course, I will put my feelings and preaching about intermarriage aside for a few moments.

Let's start off by saying that I can't speak on behalf of the priest or catholicism. In addition, it goes with out saying, that both of you need to be legally divorced in order to not be liable for bigamy.

As for the need for the get, this is sort of a catch-22 in the sense that if we're talking about orthodoxy, a get isn't necessary, because orthodox Rabbis wouldn't recognize an interfaith marriage as being a 'true' marriage in the eyes of religion. (A practice, I should add, that is forewarned against in this coming week's torah reading). If we're talking about Reform rabbis, that generall perform interfaith marriages, you would want to consult your Rabbi.

In either case, I would still reccomend that you give your ex-wife a Get (Halachic writ of divorce). Even though you and the Rabbi marrying you may decide that a get is not necessary, it will enable your ex to marry again within the Jewish world. Someone who has a legal divorce and not a religious one is known as an 'Agunah' (fem.) or 'Agun'(male). These people, although divorced in the eyes of the court, cannot re-marry under Jewish law. By denying your ex this simple document, you will be forcing her to never be able to marry again. Likewise, this will cause issue if you return to your roots (with your catholic wife or not) and decide to become religious again.

Although I wish you luck on your upcoming marriage, I am sad to see someone marry out of the fold. I wish you and your fiancee much happiness and I hope that you have already discussed how you will handle holidays and religious observance in your home, and how you will raise your children. If you have decided to raise your children as Jews, know that they will need to be converted to be universally excepted into the fold of Judaism - as by birth, they will not be considered Jewish if from a non-Jewish mother).

As for the ceremony itself, because this type of marriage isn't officially sanctioned - at least not by the conservative and orthodox communities, and even the reform community has mixed feelings about it - the ceremony needs to be worked out by you. It's not like there is an official 'interfaith marriage wedding service' prayerbook. You face the doubly-difficult task of a) finding a rabbi who will marry you to a non-jew, and b) find one that is further comfortable with the notion of performing an interfaith ceremony with a Priest. But when you do find the appropriate Rabbi, he or she (remember we're talking about reform here) will probably have done this sort of thing before, and so they would be able to tell you what to expect.

jewcentral · Site Admin Joined: Oct 31, 2002 Posts: 74

That is a difficult questions. Various sects will disagree on the correct course of action. It is best that you consult your rabbi.

There are other religion based Jewish websites that will be able to provide you with more feedback.

[Edit: Posted at same time a Yonah's replay above.]

lijew · Guest

To follow up with yonah's point, remember also that any children would not be considered jewish if their mother is not jewish. It is sad to see your family's lineage end this way. Have you fully considered the ramifications of your actions? Is this really "the one"? And, if she is, is she adverse to converting? If she does not want to convert, that already is a strike against her being "the one"

Of course, her family and your family are both probably agreeing at the problems of this union and that is a further strike against her being "the one"

The fact that after turning your backs on your respective religions, that you still want a religious ceremony is strange. What would that really do for either of you? Make it feel right? How right does it feel if you have to go so far out of your way to get someone to do such a ceremony?
I know that mine will come across as the most judgemental considering the "live and let live" attitude of the other replies but I think there should be room on a forum like this for real opinions also.

heshy · Star Poster Joined: Sep 06, 2002 Posts: 59

As usual Rabbi "Rambo" has some insites into raising your children jewish:
http://www.litopia.com/mt/lazer/archives/000263.html

I think he is the best equipped to answer your questions.

yonah · Star Poster Joined: Jun 18, 2004 Posts: 57

LIJew - if you bothered to read my post:

Reubin · Guest

Hey Terry,

Glad to see you marrying out of the fold. Less competetion now at the Jewish single events now that the ladies man is gone.

Guest · Posted: Wed Sep 22, 2004 9:43 pm Post subject:

Guest · Posted: Tue Nov 02, 2004 11:46 pm Post subject:

Guest · Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2004 9:08 pm Post subject:

Guest · Posted: Sat Nov 06, 2004 6:28 pm Post subject:

mary · Guest

Guest · Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2004 5:59 pm Post subject:

Mary,

you realize this is a Jewish site so quoting St Mark wouldn't have much sway.

Mary · Guest

Guest · Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 7:47 pm Post subject: