Why Real Men Love Shavuos
* Bring on that Tikkun Leil – compared to college, what’s one more all-nighter?
* Ninety-nine cups of coffee to go, ninety-nine cups to go…
* Mmmm… Cheesecake!
Why Real Men Hate Shavuos
* Oh, how special. More pretty flowers. I’m sick of all the stinkin’ flowers!
* Blintzes? You call that food? Whe-ere’s the beef?
* How many times do I have to tell you: Real
men don’t eat quiche.
Why Real Men Love Sukkos
* Hammer, stepladder, two-by-fours, outdoor wiring…
* When else is camping out a mitzvah?
* Cool! Look at that bug zapper go!
Why Real Men Hate Sukkos
* You want me to shop for branches?
* And fruit?
* And wave them around in public?
Why Real Men Love Pesach
* Yossi, could you pass me the blowtorch? Nah, you don’t have to turn it off first.
* Don’t bother me now, I’m handling caustic chemicals.
* Just a second, I’m busy boiling the silverware.
* Burn, chametz, burn! Look at that bread glow! Might as well toss in the plastic bag too.
* Darling, please bring the basin to the table so the head of the household can wash his hands. How’s the brisket coming along?
* You call that maror? Where’s the real stuff?
* Another cup of wine anyone?
Why Real Men Hate Pesach
* You won’t catch me cleaning the kitchen! I’ve still got my dignity.
* Are you sure pizza is chametz? Looks pretty flat to me.
* What do you mean, I have to have less than a kezayit of karpas?
Why Real Men Love Yom Kippur
* Food? Bah! I’m not hungry. I could go another day at least.
Why Real Men Hate Yom Kippur
* Honestly, I really don’t see what I have to apologize for.
About The Author
Hiding behind the pseudonym of Zman Biur is a software engineer who moved to Israel after a too-comfortable, television-saturated childhood in the United States. He has been spewing unsolicited opinions and satires into cyberspace for some 15 years now. He currently pontificates on his weblog, Biur Chametz, to the few readers willing to indulge him. http://biurchametz.blogspot.com