The Curse of Rabbi No

An investigative report behind the recent lack of success for the Yankees. Could the reason be a Rabbi from Brooklyn?


Bronx, NY- As Yankee fans watched the Marlins celebrate their World Series victory; they were left to wonder what is wrong with the Yankees- other than the fact that they wear pinstripes to play baseball and sweatpants to business meetings. Some fans blame it on the Yankees pitching, who seemed to be Marlin fans at the most inopportune times. Others blamed it on the cool Yankee bats, which made the North Pole feel like a Miami shul without air conditioning.

One self-describe huge Yankee fan, Mary Groys blamed it on Aaron Boone: Look at him, hes just plain ugly. Even with that Jeter cutie on the team, it is still too ugly. Does he even get manicures?!?, she said while devouring the last bite of her nine foot hero.

According to one unnamed Yankee starting third baseman it is the fans fault: Our fans didnt step up for the big game. Jeffrey Mayer (who helped the Yankees turn an out into a home run a few years ago) didnt come to the game and Steve Bartman didnt interfere with a Marlins foul ball. Where is the passion by our fans?

But one fan, Tal Mudovich, a former student at Yeshiva Torah Vodath, is certain he knows the source behind the Yankee woes since the 2001 World Series meltdown. He blames it on “The Curse of Rebbi No”.

“I never believed it, but seeing the Yankees meltdown three seasons in a row, when they were clearly the superior team leaves me with no doubt,” Mudovich said. Only the Mets, and The New York Ranger are skilled enough to lose because they have too much talent.

According to Mudovich and unnamed sources, Rabbi Noach Norensburg, a rabbi at Torah Vodath, cursed the Yankees when student constantly discussed the Yankees during the 2001 season instead of learning torah. The next year Rabbi No, as he is known to his students, made his curse permanent when more Yankee talk detracted from torah talk. “As long as you continue to let your torah studies down, the Yankees will let you down.” he was quoted as saying.

Rumors circulated that Rabbi No, a Kohen, set his hands in the traditional Birchas Kohanim formation when he annunciated the curse. Rabbi No was not available for comment. We didn’t pursue him, not wanting to risk being cursed.

Curses in baseball are quickly becoming in vogue. The Cubs have “The Curse of the Billy Goat”, the Redsox have “The Curse of the Bambino” and now the Yankees have their own curse. Even though the Yankees, who were once considered the class of the league, wont win a World Series again, their fans can take comfort in knowing that their curse is now the class of the league.

According to sources, Steinbrenner is contacting the Vaad Harabonim of Flatbush to annul the curse. If the Vaad doesnt comply he has threatened to fire them and seek Rabbis in Teaneck.

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