A New Segula For Getting Married

Sometimes the solution to a great problem is simpler than you could have ever imagined. Apparently, all those who are experiencing difficulty in getting married need only attend a wedding and consume a piece of bread from the table of the bride and groom. This is believed by many people to be of mystical benefit, although no scientific or significant empirical support is known. In addition, the parameters of this segula are as unknown as its connection to getting married. How much bread must one consume for the segula to be effective? Must one eat the bread in a particular time frame? If one eats too much bread at too many weddings, will he or she get married numerous times? Important questions, but when it comes to segulos it is best not to probe too deeply.
I have a wonderful idea for making a fast fortune off ignorance and fear. Offer Segula Bread for sale in Kosher supermarkets (at exorbitant prices, of course) and watch it fly off the shelf. You can have different grades, priced accordingly, based on number of hechsherim, presumed quality of hechsherim, and blessings bestowed upon the bread. This is the best idea since canned air from Israel, and I willingly share it with the public. I promise not to sue anyone who tries it. I have plenty of other ideas, anyway.

I’m also told that the groom’s cufflinks were recently determined to be of mystical significance. Perhaps other components of his wardrobe should be obtained as well, just in case. With so much difficulty in the world of shidduchim, one should leave no potential means of assistance untried.

Some public servants have done us the favor of compiling dozens of segulos for getting married (which might in and of itself be a segula!). If all of these segulos are so effective, why are there so many of them? This question should not be asked. We are not meant to understand.

Please don’t mistake this for skepticism. I believe that saying Shir Hashirim backwards on Rosh Chodesh at the grave of a Tzaddik can move spiritual mountains. I really do. And there are verified stories of people who performed various segulos and got married at some future point, sometimes within weeks. The connection is obvious and indisputable. Those who performed the same segulos and are still searching must simply have bigger spiritual mountains in front of them. Who am I to judge? Do I know what the stars say to one another on a cloudy night? No.

I’m sure if one conducted enough studies he would discover some amazing things. Perhaps that those who wear watches with leather bands have a lower occurrence of cancer. Or that there is a mysterious link between sunglasses and male pattern baldness. Of course, rational minds would make a distinction between correlation and causation. But many owners of these rational minds are still single and looking, so what do they know? No more than the segula-chasers, that’s for sure.

A friend of mine once put it best: although the Gemara relates that Chazal slaughtered the yetzer hara for avoda zara, the yetzer hara for avoda zara is still alive and well.

I maintain that the best segula for getting married is to go out on dates and give it one’s best shot. I’m sure that davening helps. I’m sure that doing mitzvos helps. I’m sure that consuming bread at a wedding doesn’t help. Sitting together during the meal with the other singles and getting to know them probably would help, as it has helped many hundreds, if not thousands, of happily married religious Jewish couples.

I don’t know if that qualifies as a segula. Probably not. It makes far too much sense.

About The Author
Chananya Weissman is the founder of EndTheMadness.org.

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