Going the Distance

It is rare and hasn’t happened for a while, but life finally took me by surprise. My friend went bouncing around Europe this past summer and said she found a guy for me. At first I was skeptical. I mean really, what are the odds that some random guy she met in a European country, three thousand miles away, is my bashert? But she insisted, “You never know.” So began an email relationship that spanned three months. And slowly, I started to be convinced that perhaps she was on to something. I was getting this really great vibe. His personality was jumping off the computer screen. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t seen what he looked like or vice versa, what mattered was that I sensed we had chemistry. That’s an ingredient that seemed to be missing from so many of my recent dates that I began to despair.
Then low and behold I logged on to my email one day to find that he was coming to New York. Possibilities kept whirling in my head. What should I wear? What should I say? Will we get along and what if I don’t like him in person? There were so many questions. There were just so many variables that my mind couldn’t process it all at once. My brain started to crash and I started to put it all in perspective. It’s one meeting, a first date like any other. My synapses stopped firing and I was able to take control of myself.

Finally, D-Day�he arrived in NY. Clearly, his visit wasn’t solely prompted by his desire to see me, so he other things on the agenda. I didn’t get to him until the end of his trip, for two hours before Shabbat. What is two hours? If you think about it, two hours is a second of your lifetime, yet the quality of this time was unparalleled. I must admit that I’ve never had a great date, one where I walk away feeling that a future is possible, until now. All my questions and concerns were alleviated. And I had such a good time that I am going to use an adjective that is so rarely applicable to dates-it was perfect. Perfection is such an unattainable quality. I never thought it existed, but this one meeting has challenged my previous belief system. That is not to say he is a perfect man, because clearly that does not exist. But what was perfect was the chemistry. I couldn’t find one thing wrong with him. Not one iota. Usually I come home to matchmakers saying the ubiquitous: “He’s very nice, but not for me” or “He’s not this” or “He’s not that.” Yet I thought he could be for me. It’s such a scary thought. I started to question why I was scared of something good and I still don’t have an adequate response.

But like all good things they must come to end. As quickly as he entered my life, he was gone in a blink of an eye. I started questioning whether it happened at all. Perhaps, it was all a figment of my imagination and I took a trip down the rabbit hole. Anything is possible. All I know is that I had a good time and he had a good time. (I made sure to go to a third party to verify that fact.) The only thing standing in our way is 3000 miles. I’ve seen long distance relationships work before. I have really great friends who are examples that it’s possible, but at least they lived on the same continent. I gather that he is not willing to make the effort, but should he after two hours? Is two hours something to stake so much of an investment. And am I crazy for being so willing to take a chance? All I know is that the lines of communication are still open and I am leaving the door ajar. The rest is in Hashem’s hands�

About The Author
Sarah J. Pollack is single and living in Manhattan. “Single in the City” is her compilations of the frustrations of Jewish singles in the community.

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